*WARNING - ADULT MATERIAL - may cause offence.
Not suitable for children/minors 

 

blacky gets laid
blacky and his 'pal' were walking along a deserted beach and bored to tears. His 'pal' says: "Hey, blacky I have an idea. Let's split up. You walk as far as you can that way down the beach, and I'll walk as far as I can the other way down the beach. We'll meet here tomorrow and tell each other what we did." blacky agrees and off they went, walking in opposite directions down the beach. The next day, they meet and blacky says "So...Tell me about your day!"

His 'pal' smiled and said: "Oh, I had a great one! I found a small little oasis with a pond and some cool grass and spent the day swimming and eating coconuts from a tree! What happened to you?

blacky laughed and said: "You're never going to believe it!! I walked about five miles up the coast and came to these train tracks. I walked down the tracks about a mile and found this goat with the most incredible body I've ever seen tied to the rails! I untied it and carried it to some grass nearby and we spent all day and night having the most incredible sex I've ever had! It was amazing! We did everything together!"

His 'pal' looked at his friend in amazement and asked him..."Everything?"

"Everything!" he replied.

"Did it suck your dick?"

"Well...no...it didn't do that..." blacky said with a sigh...

"I couldn't find its head!"

blacky boy gets laid again
blacky desperate for sex goes to a whorehouse with only $5 to his name. He approaches the madam of the house who politely informs him that five dollars won't get him anything. He pleads and pleads for sex until the madam finally tells him: "OK, go to room five."

Our horny hero heads over to room five, opens the door and sees this billy goat lying there on the bed. Without any hesitation, blacky rips off his clothes climbs on the bed and starts going at it. Five hours later, he's almost done when sperm starts coming out of the goats ears, eyes, mouth.... just everywhere!

blacky freaks and runs to the front where he tells the madam what's happened. She yells out, "The dead goat in room five is full again!"


blacky and the gorilla
The New Jersey zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed new employee blacky who was responsible for cleaning the brown smelly stuff out of the animals' cages. Now blacky (as we all know) isn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice blacky to satisfy the female gorilla. So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla--for five hundred bucks? blacky replied that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over.

The following day, blacky announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her," and "Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."

The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?

"Well," said blacky, "You've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks."


blacky and the 'stranger'
blacky boy, always wary of his enemies, always looking over his shoulder, is at his local dive in NJ drinking with his 'pals' when a stranger walks in.

The stranger walks up to the bartender and orders a Grape Nehi. blacky boy starts to get worried.  The bartender looks around and says to the stranger "You ain't from around here...where you from, boy?" The stranger says, "I'm from Boston."

The bartender asks, "What do you do in Boston?" The stranger responds, "I'm a taxidermist." The bartender asks, "A taxidermist...what the hell is a taxidermist?" The stranger says "I mount dead animals."

blacky sighs with relief, smiles and says to his pals, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
blacky boy in the foreign legion
blacky boy, seeking adventure in his poor dull sad life in NJ joined the foreign legion and was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, what the camel was for.

The Sergeant replied, "Well son, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men stationed here have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

So, blacky thought to himself, if it's good enough for the others then I guess it's good enough for me.

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, blacky could not stand it anymore, so he shouted out to one of his 'pals' "BRING ME THE CAMEL!!!"

His 'pal' shrugged his shoulders and led the camel to blacky who was waiting in front of the barracks. blacky got a foot stool climbed up and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked his 'pal', "Is that how the others do it?"

His 'pal' replied, "Well actually blacky, they just use it to ride into town where they visit the brothel..."

blacky and the researcher
A researcher is conducting a survey into goat shagging.  So he heads off for NJ (where else) and pays a visit to blacky and two of his 'pals'.

Looking at blacky's first 'pal' the researcher says "So, how do you shag your goat?"

"Well, I take the hind legs of the goat and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the goat and put them over a wall."

"That's very interesting," replies the researcher. Then he looks at blacky's other 'pal'.

"So, how do you shag your goat?"

"Well, I take the hind legs of the goat and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the goat and put them over a wall."

"That's very interesting," replies the researcher. "Just like the first guy." Then he looks at blacky.

"So, how do you shag your goat?" "Well, I take the hind legs of the goat and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the goat and put them over my shoulders."

"Over your shoulders?" replies the researcher. "Don't you put them over a wall like your 'pals'?"

"What?" says blacky. "And miss out on all the kissing?!"
blacky boy marooned on a desert island
One day blacky set out on a fishing trip. Everything went well for the first couple of hours.  But then, without warning along came a storm and capsized poor blacky's boat. The next thing that he knew he was on a deserted island.

When he awoke, he looked around, and called for anyone who could hear him.
Unluckily for blacky, no one was around. Remembering his training from his time as a boy scout, blacky decided that he had to look for shelter, food, and fresh water. So he went exploring.  The only thing he could find was on the far side of the island, a monkey and a goat. He decided to take these back to his side of the island with him.

After a few days blacky's manly urges set in. He began to want sex more and more. Looking around, he saw the goat. He went over to it, and seeing how no one else was there, took his clothes off and began to hump it. But no sooner than he started, than the monkey came over and bit his ankles. He tried this several times, but always the monkey came back. After deciding that he could take no more pain in the ankles, he gave up.

The next day while he was sitting on the beach, blacky happened to see way out in the distance a small ship going down. Deciding to see if he could gain anything from this, he swam out. After about 20 minutes he arrived on the scene and met the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life. Not only this, but all she was wearing was a bikini. He grabbed some drift wood, got her on top of it, and paddled back to the beach. When he got there the woman said that he had saved her life and she would do anything for him. ANYTHING.

Upon hearing this, blacky pointed to the monkey and asked the girl "Would you mind holding that monkey down for about an hour......"
blacky stranded in the desert
blacky and his 'pal' are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.

blacky tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink. The women says, "Sure, if you f*** me." blacky replies, "Sorry, but I only do goats.  I'll ask my 'pal' - maybe he will oblige."

Well of course his 'pal' agrees to do the deed. So he enters the shack with the woman, leaving blacky outside. The women says, "OK, f*** me then!" The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, f**** her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.

blacky's pal agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and blacky some water. The man calls blacky in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.

blacky replies, "F*** the water, I want some more of that buttered corn..."
blacky gets a new job
blacky manages to get a new job as an embalmer, and one day he says to his boss, "There's a problem with Mrs. Whittaker."

The boss says, "What's that?"

blacky says, "I was getting her cleaned up when I noticed a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy."

The boss says, "That's impossible. Show me."

They go to the table where she's lying, blacky flips back the sheet, points, and says, "See? There's a jumbo shrimp sticking out of her pussy." The boss takes a closer look and says, "You jerk, that's not a piece of shrimp. That's her clit."

blacky says, "Her clit? Well, it sure tasted like shrimp..."


blacky takes his dog to the vet
blacky brings his labrador dog John Boy to the vet. The dog strikes up a conversation with the other 2 labradors, Chocolate and Vanilla patiently sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office.

John Boy dog turns to the Chocolate lab and says, "So why are you here?"

The Chocolate lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

John Boy dog says, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the Chocolate lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything."

John Boy dog then turns to the Vanilla lab and asks, "Why are you here?"

The Vanilla lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" John Boy dog inquired.

"Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected Vanilla lab said.

Then the Vanilla lab dog turns to blacky's dog John Boy and asks what he's at the vet's office for.

I'm a humper," says blacky's dog. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner blacky had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry his toes, and I just couldn't help myself I hopped on his back and started humping away."

The Chocolate and Vanilla labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?"

blacky's dog says, "No, my owner has brought me here to get my nails clipped..."