*WARNING - ADULT MATERIAL - may cause offence.
Not suitable for children/minors 

 
blacky and the ventriloquist
A ventriloquist visits blacky on his farm.
ventriloquist: Hey, blacky boy, cool dog you've got there. Mind if I speak to him?
blacky: This dog don't talk!
ventriloquist: Hey dog, how's it going?
Dog: Doin alright
blacky: (Extreme look of shock)
ventriloquist: Is this your owner? (pointing at blacky)
Dog: Yep.
ventriloquist: How's he treat you?
Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.
blacky: (Look of disbelief)

ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your horse?
blacky: Horses don't talk!
ventriloquist: Hey horse, how's it goin?
Horse: Cool.
blacky: (an even wilder look of shock)
ventriloquist: Is this your owner? (pointing at blacky)
Horse: Yep.
ventriloquist: How's he treat you?
Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.
blacky: (total look of amazement)

ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your goat?
blacky: (gesticulating wildly, and hardly able to talk)...... Them... them them goats ain't nothin' but liars.......


blacky - fame at last...
Three late-aged circus midgets were sitting around one day talking about their lives. One said to the other two, "You know, I am nearing the end of my life and am feeling empty. I wish I had accomplished more in my lifetime so people would remember me someday."

The other two sighed in agreement. After a few weeks of feeling empty, one of the midgets came up with an idea. "You know, we do have something unique! Your hands are the smallest I've ever seen (looking towards the first midget), and you, (looking towards the other midget) have the smallest feet. And I'll bet you that I, unfortunately, have the smallest pecker. We should see about getting our names in the Guinness Book of World Records!"

The other two midgets agreed. Later that day they travelled downtown to the headquarters of the Guinness Book of World Records.

Sure enough, one hour later the first midget came out carrying a big banner and certificate. "I did it! I did it! I am in the book. I have the smallest hands in the world!"

The second midget went in. He came out waving his banner and certificate in excitement. "I do have the smallest feet in the world, I am in the record books forever!"

Finally, the third midget, confident of his claim to having the world's smallest pecker, went in. Minutes later, he came out. He was empty handed and looked all disappointed.

"What happened?" the other two midgets asked.

The midget replied:
"Someone else has beaten me to it. Some guy from New Jersey called blacky.... "
blacky boy gets married
This woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is *ONLY* willing to marry a man if he has *NEVER* been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. Soon, she ends up corresponding with blacky boy, the LC from New Jersey. They end up getting married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the 'festivities'. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband blacky boy standing naked in the middle of the room, and all the furniture from the room is piled in one corner.

"What happened?" she asks.

"I've never been with a woman," says blacky boy, "but if it's anything like humping a goat, I'm gonna need all the room I can get............"


blacky buys a jigsaw puzzle
blacky boy goes on a shopping trip and buys a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally, the puzzle was finished.

"Look what I've done, Frank," he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.

"That's surely somethin', blacky boy. How long did it take you?"

"Only two weeks."

"Never done a puzzle myself," said the neighbor. "Is two weeks fast?"

"Damm fast'," said blacky boy. "Look at the box. It says, 'From two to four years..........."
blacky boy goes to Africa
An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to blacky boy, the great white hunter in New Jersey to come and kill the beast. So, off to Africa he went.

Upon arrival, he went straight to work. For several nights blacky boy lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, blacky boy went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw blacky boy lying there, clutching his backside, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, bwana? Where is the lion? asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" blacky boy howled. "Which of you morons let the bull loose.................?"
blacky joins the army
blacky boy joins the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane.

The next day, he phoned his 'pal' to tell him the news. "So, did you jump?" his 'pal' asked. "Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the 'plane, and the Sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the 'plane!"

"Is that when you jumped?" asked his 'pal'. "Um, not yet. Then the Sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door." "Did you jump then?" asked his 'pal'.

"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the 'plane. I told the Sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told be to get off the 'plane or he'd kick my arse." "So, did you jump?"

"Not then. He tried to push me out of the 'plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 17 stone. He said to me, 'Boy, are you going to jump or not?' I said, 'No, Sir. I'm too scared.' So the Jump Master pulled down his zip and took his cock out. I swear, it was about ten inches long! He said, 'blacky boy, either you jump out of that door, or I'm sticking this up your arse.' "

"So, did you jump?" asked his 'pal'.

"Well, a little, at first........."
blacky goes exploring
blacky boy goes exploring.... and dies with a smile on his face....

blacky boy and two of his 'pals' went exploring and were working their way through Africa and finally hit the remotest spot. After several days they come across a tribe. Thinking they were friendly they walked into their village where they were pounced upon, tied up and put into a hut.

Later the chief came in to see them and gave them a choice, death or Um Bongo. Thinking nothing could be worse than death they all elected Um Bongo. That night they were looking out through the hut window and could see hundreds of African tribesman arriving - then it happened.

They were dragged out tied to a post and bent over where the whole tribe plus affiliates ****ed them up the arse for several hours. Later in the early hours of the morning when everyone had enough Um Bongo - they were released. They tried for days to make it back to civilisation with the sorest arses in history when they were recaptured by the same tribe and taken back to their village. Once again the chief walked in and said "death or Um Bongo". blacky boy's 'pals' decided on a second round of Um Bongo fearing death whilst blacky boy, though his back passage was still throbbing with pain from the previous assault was tempted, he decided he wasn't going through that again and decided upon death.

Then the chief raised his hands in the air and screamed "death by Um Bongo"!
blacky boy really loves his mum
blacky boy gets a new job. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls blacky into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

blacky says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my father drinks every weekend, and then beats on my mother. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm screwing her."

The boss says, "You screw your mother?"

blacky boy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick........"